At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
