You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
