Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
