i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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