I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
