Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
