OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
