Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
