My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
