Already got asked if we're dating
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
