somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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