i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
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