better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
