I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
