The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
