Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
