I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
did i walk over a car last night?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
