Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
