god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
