she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
