It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
