So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
