Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
