I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
