you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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