I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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