She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
