I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
