youre lurking in front of me
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
