her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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