Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
