does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
