watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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