You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
worst night to have a conscience
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
