His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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