Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Randomize
