She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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