i was born a porn star she said
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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