You're my little dorito
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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