I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
