We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
