Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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