my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
