He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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