I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
