We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
