The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
