the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
