wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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