I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
