Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
