the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
