He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
