i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
