Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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