Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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