i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
