As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize