i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
