You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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