I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
