me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
