please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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