Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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