naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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