you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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