I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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