So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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