Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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