The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
