and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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