Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
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