hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
