I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
