Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
