ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize