You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
