i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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