im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I believe in your delicious
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
