There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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