Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize