Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
