that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
